but there are really only about 3 people who have seen the bad times I occasionally go through...the times when I was angry at the girl who caused the wreck...the times when I was so sick of the constant pain...the times when I cried and yelled because I just wanted to get a few hours of sleep and couldn't...the times when I was literally bored TO TEARS...the times I would cry because my friends were going out without me...the times when I just wanted to be able to walk to the kitchen w/o my crutches...and so many other "times." Tonight I am having one of those times....just sitting here in bed wishing I was back at school with my friends, not falling behind in my classes...but mostly...just wanting to walk on two feet. My poor boyfriend sat at home tonight on the phone with me listening to me come up with some stupid reason to be upset with him when I was really upset because every time I went to get up the last few days, I wanted to throw my crutches about 100 yards and just WALK.
Everyone has been so encouraging to me throughout this entire process. Jodi telling me the other day how whenever she feels sick from pregnancy, she thinks of me and stops feeling sorry for herself...charity telling me that she has me to thank for realizing how blessed she is to use two legs and shower in less than an hour... I think maybe I try to keep in so many of my emotions lately because I feel so guilty for having them. I KNOW that I am blessed to have gotten the halo off more quickly than the doctor originally expected. I KNOW that I am blessed to have my family to take care of me. I KNOW that I am blessed to have a boyfriend like chris who comes to visit me almost every day and a friend like chelsea who comes to see me almost every other weekend. There are more blessings than just those...but sometimes just knowing that they are there doesn't cure the boredom, or the awful feeling of waking up after the most amazing dream of walking to class at ball state, or the anger that sometimes overcomes me when I think of how my life has been put on hold. I really hate having these feelings, but I thought maybe I should let you all know...that I'm not always happy and smiling like I am at church...I don't feel like I deserve the attention and compliments on my attitude all the time. However, I still DO need the encouragement of my brothers and sisters in Christ to get through nights like these. So thank you
8 comments:
oh marissa! ((hugs)) to you for your humanness! it's OK to struggle at times...we continue praying!
Thank you for your honesty, but I still see you as a strong woman, who is going to get through this, and know that the Lord has been with you the whole time. I want to share a verse that caught my attention this morning, it really applied to me, on some issues I have been dealing with lately, so I hope that it blesses you in the way that it blessed me...
Duet. 8:2 ..."to humble you and test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep His commands."
I pray that even though these circumstances are difficult, that the Lord will continue to be your Joy. I pray that the Lord will reveal your heart to you, so that you will use this as an opportunity to grow in faith, the knowledge of God, hope, obedience, and repentance.
I love you, and I am thankful for the strength and endurance that I see displayed in your life.
Marissa, if you weren't experiencing times like these I wouldn't like you nearly as much! :D I don't think any one of us thinks you spend all day every day feeling bubbly and happy and carefree. What's been such an encouragement to me is seeing you go through all of this, knowing how difficult it is for you, and yet seeing the joy of Christ displayed in your life - through the tears! You haven't become consumed with bitterness or let the negatives of the situation be your entire focus. And THAT is evidence of God's GRACE in your life. Know that the Wright family loves and prays for you!
oh, sweetie! While I didn't have the same pain that you do, I well remember the time I spent totally off my feet...either in a bed or in a wheelchair...while Bob was in the DR and I was staying with David & Lyndie. Yes, I cried myself to sleep many times! Sometimes from boredom, sometimes from loneliness, sometimes from pain.
It's hard watching life going on around you, watching everyone else come and go as they please.
It's humbling being dependent on others (David had to carry me up and down any stairs, even at church back on Fair Street!)
There were times, like you, when I wanted to scream. The verse that got me through? "I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me."
Know that you are prayed for continually. While nobody can take your place, there are many ready and willing to help, to comfort, to cry, to laugh and to pray with you!
I sure am going to miss all you ladies when I go back to school...I have tried to find a church like Grace in muncie but the people at Grace are really just one-of-a-kind and I always look forward to sundays that I get to spend with you all
so while I appreciate your continued prayers for my health and recovery, please begin to also pray that I can find a church that shows as much encouragement and love as Grace does
What??? Are you going to stop blogging when you return to school?
Distance should not hinder the time spent encouraging one another, right? Believe me, I know about the distance thing...
Will start praying though that you find a really incredible church when you return.
I will say from all that we observe, while there are some really great churches out there...there is NOTHING like Grace and the brothers and sisters there. We are truly blessed!
oh no, I won't stop, but probably won't be posting nearly as much...especially if I will be in clinicals at the hospital, taking classes on campus, and going to physical therapy....which is what i am hoping for!
but i promise to try to blog as much as i can!
So, how are you doing now? Any more advancements in your progress?
still praying for you!
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