MY NEW CAR!!!

This is my new baby...i get her this thursday!

No longer a TEENager....'bout time!

Well my birthday wish came true.  Saturday was my 20th birthday and the first day that I went ALL DAY without my crutches!  Now I am completely off crutches!

Saturday chris drove me all the way up to Marion to see my friends from IWU and take me out to dinner at one of our favorite Mexican restaurants and to my favorite coffee shop, Paynes :)  My roommate, christina also drove from Munice to spend the evening with us.  It was a great day except for the morning, when I received disappointing news that the car I really wanted would not be mine :(  BUT, overall, a really great birthday!  I actually feel older, its great...20 really isn't all that special except you get to leave the "teen" off of your age when you say it...that is my favorite part!  So i really only feel older when i get to TELL people that I'm 20, but still...

Ummm I walked WITHOUT my crutches today :)

....nuff said

Post - Surgery #3

Well 11 hours ago I went into my 3rd surgery...woke up around 1:30...and left the hospital feeling great!  My mom and I went immediately to McDonald's where I got a double cheesburger, fries, and a choc. milkshake (and ate it in about 5 minutes!)  Then came home and had about a 3 hour nap!

I have been walking a bit with the crutches and my boot...the pain is very minimal and it is so much fun to "pretend" walk!  My goal is to be off the crutches by my birthday, March 28th.  I want to go out on a birthday date with chris with no crutches so I can actually hold his hand while we walk and people don't look at us like my big brother is taking his handicap sister out..haha

I'm looking forward to trying a little more everyday and uncovering my ankle tomorrow!

Thanks to everyone who has been praying for me the last few months!

This and That

I have discovered that I have a talent for knitting simple things.  Hats are my specialty and I have had so much fun thinking of new ways to make them...I have never used a pattern...I'm not very confident in my ability to follow one, so I just make them up in my head and see if they work.  Right now I'm trying to make fingerless gloves...saw them in a knitting booklet but the pattern they have is waaaaay to complicated even for my grandmother who has been knitting since she was in high school.  I'm about halfway done...we'll see how long it takes me to get the thumb hole correct!

I also might have a car by this time tomorrow!  I have been looking 

alot the past 2 weeks and my dad and I went to test drive a car awhile ago and it seemed very good.  Its a 1999 red Honda Civic EX coup....MANUAL, just like I wanted, and if I can talk the dealer down on the price, I'm going to get it!

Not Feeling So Strong

Over the last two months I have blogged about my progress - mostly the good things that have happened since the accident and the good things that have come of it.  So many people have told me how proud they are of my attitude and the strength I have shown through this long process so far...

but there are really only about 3 people who have seen the bad times I occasionally go through...the times when I was angry at the girl who caused the wreck...the times when I was so sick of the constant pain...the times when I cried and yelled because I just wanted to get a few hours of sleep and couldn't...the times when I was literally bored TO TEARS...the times I would cry because my friends were going out without me...the times when I just wanted to be able to walk to the kitchen w/o my crutches...and so many other "times."  Tonight I am having one of those times....just sitting here in bed wishing I was back at school with my friends, not falling behind in my classes...but mostly...just wanting to walk on two feet.  My poor boyfriend sat at home tonight on the phone with me listening to me come up with some stupid reason to be upset with him when I was really upset because every time I went to get up the last few days, I wanted to throw my crutches about 100 yards and just WALK.

Everyone has been so encouraging to me throughout this entire process.  Jodi telling me the other day how whenever she feels sick from pregnancy, she thinks of me and stops feeling sorry for herself...charity telling me that she has me to thank for realizing how blessed she is to use two legs and shower in less than an hour... I think maybe I try to keep in so many of my emotions lately because I feel so guilty for having them.  I KNOW that I am blessed to have gotten the halo off more quickly than the doctor originally expected.  I KNOW that I am blessed to have my family to take care of me.  I KNOW that I am blessed to have a boyfriend like chris who comes to visit me almost every day and a friend like chelsea who comes to see me almost every other weekend.  There are more blessings than just those...but sometimes just knowing that they are there doesn't cure the boredom, or the awful feeling of waking up after the most amazing dream of walking to class at ball state, or the anger that sometimes overcomes me when I think of how my life has been put on hold.  I really hate having these feelings, but I thought maybe I should let you all know...that I'm not always happy and smiling like I am at church...I don't feel like I deserve the attention and compliments on my attitude all the time.  However, I still DO need the encouragement of my brothers and sisters in Christ to get through nights like these.  So thank you

Brief Update

Even though I have talked to most of you who read my blog, I'll give a quick update on my progress, since I have nothing else to blog about!

Not having the halo the last 10 days has been FABULOUS...friday night and most of the day saturday I was starting to regret the decision to get the halo off early and have 2 surgeries instead of one to remove all the hardware inside and out of my foot/ankle.  However, I am now SO glad I did it.  Reason number 1 being that I don't even have to wear the boot most of the time because most of the time I am just at home sitting or laying in bed...only when I am leaving the house do I really need to wear the boot.  My knee is getting much stronger as well.  I used to have to pick up my leg with my hands and place it on the bed, but now it is strong enough that I can get my leg into bed using my actually leg muscles...what is left of them anyway!  I am also sleeping so much better now because the pain of moving around at night is so much less than it used to be.

One concern my parents and I have though, is that I have lost about 7 lbs. since the accident, which puts me at a too-thin 100 lbs.  My pants don't fit and I'm starting to look like an anorexic.  We don't understand this because I eat the same amount if not more than I used to, and I do almost no activity during the day to burn the calories I take in.  We are hoping to get some answers from the doctor this week to see if this is normal after surgeries or if I need to get in to get some tests done....again.

Well I actually had more to say than I thought!

I probably won't have anything exciting to blog about until I start walking so we'll see how much blogging I do before my next appt. in mid-March

Bye Bye Bye!

The halo is gone now as most of you already know...and since my mom already blogged on some of my progress since being home, I'll fill you all in on my time in the hospital on friday...

I got to the hospital, answered some questions and then was called back to get prepped for surgery.  I took a pregnancy test (standard procedure), and got hooked up to an IV, which the nurse missed my vein the first time :( ouch.  Then my parents were called back and as my dad walked into the room he jokingly asked, "So they already took it off huh?" Then the conversation went like this

me: "yeah i was really surprise at how fast they did everything"

dad: "oh wow you are serious? It's off already?  Wow!"

me: "yep they got my boot on and everything"

dad: "wow, thats great!"

me: "dad....."

mom: "(laughs) Todd...."

dad: "What?"

me: "I still have the halo on dad...did you really think they got me prepped and out of the O.R. in 20 minutes?"

mom and i have had several good laughs over that since friday :)

After my surgery was over and i woke up in the recovery room, they moved me into another room that was tiny and could barely fit my bed in it....the nurse then told me i 

was to get out of the bed and sit in a large leather chair in the room....(by the way i'm still only half-conscious at this point)....so the nurse not-so-carefully moves me to the chair which does not recline and hands me some orange juice to sip on while i wait for my parents to come back.  I got dressed and was on my way out in the wheelchair...still in tears from the movement that occurred between going from the chair to the wheelchair.  But hey, I survived and the halo is off and right now i'm sitting here looking mostly normal because i'm not even wearing the boot!  I have on a NORMAL pair of sweat pants and a sock on both feet!  Just one foot is a lot larger than the other..haha

The pain has subsided considerably since friday, but unfortunately yesterday i was feeling a bit nauseous and very tired 

so chris and i didnt get to do what we had planned for valentine's day...but it was still a go

od valentines day :)  He brought me some pretty roses in a cute vase, some dark chocolate lindor truffles, and a card that still makes me smile even when i've already read it a half-dozen times since last night :)  He also made notecards of how many days, hours, minutes, and seconds it has been since certain big events in our relationship and quizzed me on them over dinner at El Camino...i'm terrible at math and i only got close on one of them!  I also made him a chocolate truffle pie, which was DELICIOUS...my mouth is watering just thinking about it...mmmmm yummy!

Frankenfoot dies on Friday the 13th!!

Welllllllll......

i got the news today!  I can now start bending my knee and wearing the immobilizer less and less as my knee gains strength....aaaaaaand the big news........(drumroll please)

THE HALO COMES OFF NEXT FRIDAY!

words cannot describe how excited i am to have this giant piece of metal removed from my foot!  After the surgery i will be wearing a knee brace and a boot on my foot....and i'll have 11 holes in my foot and shin where the pins and screws were, but thats ok!

Miss Independant

I took a shower completely by myself...twice now!

thanks to my wonderful parents getting a shower curtain for me (which i also get to take to my new house when i return to school if mom doesnt get too attached to it) i can finally take on the entire process of showering by myself!

1. sit on toilet

2. remove clothing  (hoping that only women still read my blog)

3. remove leg immobilizer

4. unwrap leg/ankle and remove gauze pads 

5. put leg immobilizer back on

6. move my caboose over to the shower chair

7. put left leg in tub and lift right leg up and into tub

8. remove leg immobilizer...again

9. bathe

10. take towel #1 and dry off self, then place underneath me on the shower chair (for traction...trust me it is important)

11. put leg immobilizer BACK on

12. lift right leg up and out of tub while carefully scooting to the edge of the shower chair until i can place my foot on the floor

13. (hold your breath it gets complicated)...remove left leg from tub while left hand holds onto shower chair and right hand grabs windowsill and both arms push until i am in an upright position

14. put on robe

15. crutch it back to my room to get dressed and slather antibiotic on my foot (which the parents still get to do)

wow, it sounds more complicated when i type it all out...but thats the gist!  And it takes about 30-35 minutes to complete (not including the dressing of the foot)

hopefully my next post will be full of good news from the doctor, who i will be seeing again on thursday!

The Post That Came From Having Too Much Time To Think

Someone asked me the other day after seeing pictures of my foot if it still shocks me every time we unwrap it to clean it, etc.  I told them it had become so normal to me over the last few weeks that no, it wasn't weird at all to see pins and screws sticking out of my foot and leg with a giant metal structure surrounding it all.  I actually began to think...how weird it is going to be when it actually comes OFF.  I feel like it is going to be comparable to braces.  They are super annoying at first and they hurt and you can't wait for them to be off from the moment you get them put on...and then when they are finally gone...its strange and unnatural not having them there...your teeth feel bare and there is almost just as much adjusting to getting them off as when you first had them put on.  When I finally get this halo and leg immobilizer off, i think its going to feel awkward...first of all my leg is going to be pounds lighter...my balance may even be thrown off for awhile...I'm going to have to get used to seeing the holes in my foot and shin where metal rods used to be..not to mention the strange sensations (and painful ones) than bending my knee again will bring.  I can actually now move my knee cap by flexing my muscles...and watch it move...despite the fact that I still have no feeling in the lower part of my knee...and may never again.  I can also flex my gastrocnemius muscle and watch it move too...its weird, I know, just to sit here and think about all this...but really...what else do I have to do...

Thoughts on day 16

Well I have finally started my online classes so I have something to do other than watch Gilmore Girls all day.  Still a pretty boring life, but hopefully soon I will be learning how to knit.  I asked Chris the other day if his mom knew how to knit and his reply was, "what is knit?"  Mom and I got a kick out of that one.  But Kris Osterbur is hopefully coming over this week to teach me!  Yesterday Patti Jetter came to keep me company while everyone was at school and she brought me a disney princess coloring book :)  Mom thinks I should color some pictures for Rachel Wright...I say Rach should come color with me sometime!

My mobility and independence are increasing everyday...it is wonderful!  The hardest part is trying to carry things while using my crutches.  But yesterday I did manage to use my "grabber" to reach the guitar, take it into the living room, hook up the PS2 to the TV and play some guitar hero!  I was very proud of this.  Now the thing that probably still bugs me the most is not being able to shower in the shower everyday.  I hate sponge bathing and not being able to wash my hair as often as I like...I also get annoyed with waking up to awful back pain during the night and every morning...I was always a side sleeper so sleeping on my back is doing quite a number on my lower muscles.

My greatest fears right now are that I will have some kind of permanent deformity of my foot that will affect my walk, and the thought of getting behind the wheel again...I burst into tears last night talking to my mom about those things and I'm trying so hard to give up those worries to the Lord...its just more difficult than I thought it would be.  Our discussion about those things was interestingly interrupted since while i was crying, instead of normal body fluids coming out of my nose,  it erupted into a fountain of blood literally pouring from my nose into the trash can...not pretty...hopefully that wasn't too much info for ya'll :)  

On a positive note, this accident is saving me about $14000 on school since all I have to pay for are my online classes this semester!

I also have to mention that I probably have the best boyfriend I could hope for.  Not only did he sleep on the floor of my hospital room for three nights in a row...he learned to know exactly what I needed/wanted him to do by me simply looking at him and then looking at what I wanted him to get/do.  He also very carefully helped me out of bed every time I needed to use the bathroom (which was about every 2 hours since I was drinking about 4 liters of water a day) by putting one hand under my ankle, which was gross from all the fluids draining from it, and the other hand to support my knee.  He has only NOT visited 2 nights since I have been home and he brings me whatever I am craving that day.  Yesterday was mint choc. chip ice cream.  Sometimes I fall asleep while he is here, sometimes I cry, and he sits there through it all...comforting me when I need comforted, rubbing my head until I fall asleep...I really can't imagine going through all of this without him.  I'm such a lucky girl!

Progress!

I found a way to get out of bed by myself!  I was so excited when I did it for the first time yesterday.  Now I just need to figure out how to get back IN bed.  I also washed my hands in the sink in the bathroom STANDING UP rather than reaching over while sitting on the toilet lid.  I did hit my big giant foot on the cabinet though :(  The dumb thing is so hard to maneuver.  Basically I'm just really happy to have SOME small sliver of independence back...and someday soon i WILL figure out how to get back in bed on my own...thats the next step...

Settling In

I'm starting to get used to my new routine.  Get up around 6, drink my breakfast, go back to sleep till my next pain pill at 9, wake up, take all my medicine, give myself a shot, and wait for dad to come home and clean my foot at 9:45.  Then after he is done, i eat lunch and usually get on the computer for a bit and then take a nap for an hour or so.  Now, i'm back on the computer/watching Gilmore Girls (which i watch all the time now), waiting for everyone to get home from school.  I'll probably take another nap around 3:30 or 4 so i can eat dinner and prepare for visitors.  

Yesterday, however, i DID take a shower all by myself!  Well, after my mom helped me undress and get in the tub...but other than that i was on my own and i didn't pass out, AND i got all the way back to my room without being carried!  It felt very good...but i was COMPLETELY exhausted afterwards and i still had to sit through my foot cleaning and two sets of visitors...needless to say, i slept very well last night.  

It seems like everyday someone does something to make me feel so much better about my situation.  The other day, charity brought her kids over and rachel gave me a necklace she had just make...it didn't quite fit over my head but i have it hung on the lamp next to my bed to remind me of the sweet gesture.  I just want to again thank everyone who has made time to visit or send a card or email...they mean so much to me...and thanks also to all those who have been praying for me...each day is a little better than the last.

Home Again

Well i am finally home after 6 days in the hospital.  Walking on my crutches is still a challenge and i only made it from the van to the porch on my first attempt at home.  Then ryan and my parents had to carry me into the house from there.  It feels like i have taken a few steps back since being home, but hopefully as i continue to recover, i will be able to overcome the obstacles that come from living in my own house, like pushing myself into a sitting position rather than pushing a button that does that for me. However, home food is sooooo much better than hospital food!  That will help me regain some strength too.  Today will be a busy and exhausting day for me.  I have to learn how to shower, then do my first cleaning of my foot/knee, then i have visitors for the rest of the day and into the night.  Hopefully all the activity will allow me to get another good nights rest tonight though.

Right now I've just been praying that God will help me see His purpose in all of this.  I know He has one.  Unfortunately, since iv'e been away at school, my relationship with Him hasn't been as strong.  I am looking forward to using my recovery time to grow my relationship with Christ and make it strong again.  

Thanks again everyone who visited, sent words of encouragement, etc. since the accident.  They have helped tremendously!

My First Broken Bone(s)

Well as most of you already know, i was in a car accident monday night at 8pm.  My car is totaled and i suffered multiple fractures of the knee and ankle on my right leg.  Thankfully, that was the only part of my body that was seriously injured, which is truly a miracle if you had seen the condition of my car after the accident.  My full recovery should take about a year.  Some ways that you can be praying for me are:

-speedy recovery

-trying to get through next semester at school

-learning how to be mobile

-and most definitely thanking the Lord for preserving my life during what could have been a fatal accident

thanks to all who have called, visited, sent flowers/cookies/etc...they are very much appreciated and have been very helpful in boosting my morale...especially the cards from your kids charity!

Another Semester Draws to a Close

Finals start today for me.  COMM 210 tonight, ANTH 111 monday, and MATHS 125 on tuesday.  Not too worried about any of them as you can see because I would not be blogging if that were the case.  In fact, I'm bored!  I'm loving that I took 17 credit hours this semester and things have been so easy!  Next semester will be harder classes, but I still only have to go to class two days a week!

I do however, have to move out of my room next week.  My roommate was supposed to transfer and then this tuesday decided she wanted to stay.  Paperwork had already been filled out for my new roommate, who i was so psyched to live with because she is als

o my house mate for next year!  BUT current roomie went to the RD and demanded she get to stay in our room, after she told me she was trying to just get a room somewhere on campus and it didnt matter where it was.  Well, this was false, so i graciously, without arguing, accepted a new room and will move in next friday evening.  Current roomie has been driving me crazy for the last month and I'm just glad I get to live with someone I WANT to live with (the picture is of me, christina, my new roomie, and her boyfriend shea)

Now, I'm getting a big sloppy cold that gets stronger everyday and there is nothing that the benedryl, nyquil, and vitamin C that I have been choking down, can do about it!

but the best boredom pass-time i have discovered has been www.elfyourself.com where you upload pictures and make these little elves with people's faces on them do dances to christmas music!  Charity, I hope Danny showed you the one I made of your kids!

MY NEW HOUSE!

Today Chelsea, Brooke, Christina and I signed the lease for our new house that we will move into this May!  To the left is the view from the street.  Our house is actually right across the street from some good friends of ours from Greenville, lacie list and lyndsay sharp, which have worked at the pool with chels, brooke and i for the last 4 years. The kitchen is being COMPLETELY remodeled and we've seen the floor plan and it looks fantastic!!  We also get to choose paint for the house and our landlord, Stan-the-man, is going to paint it for us before we move in!  Stan-the-man is pretty great.  Our rent is so great, we got very lucky, AND he caps off our utilities so we pay a set price and we will never pay any extra even in the winter for heating...which is wonderful!!  Our porch on the left is probably one of our favorite parts of the house.  We got the house just in time too because he was getting ready to show it to 4 other groups in the next two days until i called to tell him we wanted it.  Its a good thing i took my mom's advice and prayed about and waited on this other house we thought we wanted.  We waited a week and went back to look at it and realized it was a disaster waiting to happen...and we asked around about the landlord and found out that he is very slow at getting repairs done.  We have a cute little picnic area in the backyard with a grill and benches (its kind of like a little shelter that is open on one side).  BASICALLY, the four of us are in love with this house!   

Fall Break Fun

Well this past weekend (Fri-Sun) was my big fall break. Turns out fall break was no different than any other weekend for me because i dont have classes on fridays anyway. But i came home after spending about 20 minutes just trying to get out of the parking lot where i have to park my car during the week (which is about 2 miles off campus...convenient eh?). So after about two hours from the time i got to my car..i was home...well, ok, i was at chris's house. I can't help it, its right on my way home! So i spent a couple hours with him and headed home to do some laundry, of course :)
Friday was an early day (early for a college student, that is). Woke up at 8am for a doctor's appointment, ran some errands, and took my baby sis and her friend out for smoothies at broadway joe's after school. As usual, the family got pizza that night and chris came over to enjoy it with us before the two of us headed off to find ourselves the perfect pumpkin. Chris had never before carved a pumpkin!Carving a pumpkin in the fall is just part of being a human for me, so after 23 years, chris is finally a complete being! haha....well he is also not very artistic so he spent more time cleaning out the inside of his pumpkin than actually cutting out the face of it. But, it turned out that while mine may have looked better alone, with the candle inside, chris's did. Then we had some fun taking pictures on the porch

A First For Me...

Sure, there have been times when i couldn't seem to fall asleep if my life depended on it...but typically, there was no real reason behind the insomnia...

Tonight is one of those nights when i cannot sleep...but tonight, unlike other nights...there is a cause

I absolutely cannot wait to see chris tomorrow. Mom, you can call me crazy because its only been two weeks since i saw him last as you know...but i can't help it...i am so excited. I can't explain the feelings i have for chris because they are so new to me. I've never felt this way before, even years ago when i thought i was so in love with lucas osterbur while i was a junior in high school and he was far away at school in michigan. Chris makes me feel as though being exactly who i am... a clumsy, silly, nerdy girl who occasionally suffers from blonde moments... is more than he could ever dream of having in his life. And chris... a dorky, corny, goofy, gym-obsessed, state auditor... is exactly the type of man that i want in my life.

sorry for the sappy post... its just me being that silly girl that chris fell in love with